Nope a dope

I'm not trying to look for your attention....

However, goodluck for the exam, may you get the best results

Amen

Silly me

Those things...I don't have to answer the same questions
Silly me, right?


Well, anyway, congratulations for you, both of you

An ironic moron

I said "it would be bother you" , not bother me.. Besides i never feel bothered by you

Sorry, but i'm not the one who wants you to drift

The first is like in a labyrinth, but still can walk, can move, can do something

The other one is like in open field but can't walk, can't even move although no handcuffed or tied up

I told you you're not a thing, so you're not an option
I'm not a sweet talker,its useless to be such a
Cause I'm just an ironic and pathetic moron for you

Carousel

One night, I asked what was happened to you
You answered it with a question behind, my messenger's profile
You asked me if you were excess or not, you said you was overreacted and you apologized
Look, there's nothing wrong with what you said and did to me.That was my fault
Why?I came to you without your permission, interrupted and made you upset
So i said sorry, for the chaos
And the night, when you showed up that sad face
You said i'm still the same, like never change.. However, i'm grateful for your critic
But hey, you're still the same, too
The only difference is you're still the great one, and i'm still the worst of human being
And I've noticed when the sad face turned to the crying one, and you said Fvckntired today
I can't ask you again, not because i don't care, just because it would be bother you and make you upset again
So i keep silent,just pray to God for you, and still


I don't ask you to trust me even i never lie or throw some bullshit to you 
I just want you to trust God, trust yourself, cause you're still who you are
Don't ask why i never change my messenger's profile, why i still care and why i still pray
Just like asking the result from 1+1
It means you know the answer, yes you know it

So...

So…

Hmm let me see…

All the things we wanted. Who wanted what

Now all the memories they’re haunted. Which memories and haunted who

We were always meant to say goodbye. We or you

I didn’t want us to burn out. Nobody wants to get burned

I didn’t come to hurt you now. Do you ever “come” to me

I can’t stop. Stop what

Looking at you makes it harder. How can. You don’t even see me or feel me

But I know that you’ll find another. Already answered

That doesn’t always make you wanna cry. Can’t make me happy too

Started with a perfect kiss. I don’t need that

Then we could feel the poison set in. what kind of

Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive. Which one

You know that love you so. No you don’t, I feel

I love you enough to let you go. No you don’t

I want you to know it doesn’t matter. What it is?

Where we take this road, someone’s gotta go. Who

And I want you to know, you couldn’t have loved me better. Already answered

But I want you to move on. Ask “The Script”

So I’m already gone. Already answered long time ago

"Untitled"

Do I have to say I love you again? I guess you know I still so I don't have to say it again

"The Burden"

Somehow, I feel so down, I don’t know why

When I see you got something bad happened, I wanted to ask, like I used to

But I remember, there is a line I cannot cross, which can makes me to be a trigger for a new problem to you, both of you

I can’t talk to you like I used to, either you don’t want to or I’m too scared

So I try, to hold, as much as I can... When I can’t hold any longer, that’s when I really have to ask to you, because I still care

Besides, you're still consider me as a stranger, right?

So, all I can do is pray, for your goodness, anytime, anywhere, with him, your friends and family

I hope, there is nothing bad happened to you… if it was, I hope it won’t be long

Trust God, trust yourself, I’ve told you who you are, and you’re still

"A long day"

Well, congratulations for her,find the right person who will take care of her, makes her happy and brighten her day.
May God always bless both of them, make sure she'll fine and safe with him, anytime and anywhere


I prove and show her what i said to her
But doesn't mean i stop here,no,never...
I just change it all with a different way
The way that i will live the rest day of mine which i don't even know how much it left considering my condition
But back again, i'm just a stranger, who lost in time, and never expect it will be like this


So, i still care, i still pray, not for myself, but for you
I still prove and show it, just with a different way


PS : Guess what...

Dear Ms. Right

I…..have no idea what you said about but here my words

Its almost 2 months and I always try to prove everything I ever said even you always ignore it all away

You said its perfectly waste your time but I don’t know which part of your time here

Why? I’m not saying that you’re wrong, but you just make me really confused about the time that you said. 

I don’t talk to much to you, cause I don’t want to interrupt you every time

When I talk, I always asked “what happened to you?” not because I just ask or threw some bullshit right on your face like the others did, that’s just because I care, I really care and show you that I really do

What I know is talk to you is not easy as flipping my hand upside down, it took every courage in me just to talk to you and even you don’t answer me over and over again

Dont ask me what happen to me, do i have to answer the question that you already knew the answer?do i have to make it round and round again with saying the same thing?the point is you know the answer, or the reason

What the matters are you and you and you...ah, you know the reason even its not enough to show you and make you believe that i really do

Look, i've show you, but feels you always ignore it..but back again, thats your right and i dont mind and cannot complain about that

Why all the things are going to be like that? well i dont even know what do you mean about things..or maybe i just dont know why (sounds like moony singing in the bathroom)

But one thing for sure, if you think that im give up, you got it wrong

"If You Were Me"

Actually, i dont have to make it round and round and round and round again...cause its not me who made it

If my heart lied, i wouldn't feel like this, be like this
All you see is pain and misery, cause you're my happiness

If you were me, you would feel what i feel
If you were me you wouldn't be able to move, to go anywhere
You would feel this heart still beats your name even it keeps bleeding
You can't turn around and leave here
And you can't find someone who makes you feel like what i feel, no matter they still believe in love or not

Cuz  i don't  give up on you like the others

If you were me, you would be where am i and you cant go anywhere

Cause this is me, not like what you think, not like the others

But if you think i'm lying, ask God

I don't have to say "in the name of God", cause He knows the truth, knows that i never lie, especially to you

Chapter #10

Suddenly, my hands want to write again.. weird enough in my condition now, trapped in the ----- disease (according to doctor’s diagnose)..but at least I still can do it, just like those days before

Dear “Moon” , that’s your right to say I just make it round and round all over again

Maybe I’m stupid enough for being too honest with you. But I’m not the others, who sell craps, throw some bullshit, lie to you, act like you’re just a toy or a trophy

Its just me, with all my flaws and shortage, who always take you as a great woman

I don’t playing around, cause you’re not a toy. I don’t compete cause you’re not a trophy. I don't flirt, its useless

The only reason for everything I do and say to you

The reason is I love you, without any reason, still, and always

Chapter #9

Now...my life is totally ruined..everything drift away..im falling deeper,into the agony
If she only knew,she's the one,and only
Who can lift me up,and break me down
Who make me strong,and show my weakness
Who can turns me to a complete human being,or nothing
Who bring me happiness,joy,and every color that i've never seen before in my life.show me pain,suffer,hurts and turn my whole life to a black-white daytime tv show
Who simply makes me smile,and the reason behind my sadness
Who shine brighter than the prettier
Shes the only cure in this world
Dear "Moon"..i need you,so bad..i need your smile,your words,your laugh,your everything
I'm just nothing without you,weak,pathetic, disgusting,stranger or whatever
I cant stand this on my own..
I need you,i always open my arms widely,just for you
When i close my eyes,all i see is you
Dont need to ask about my heart,its yours,cause it always beats your name
You can find me,always,whenever you want,you know where am i..

Chapter #8

Sekarang gw dipindah ke kantor..entah untuk berapa lama..yg gw tau gw kehilangan hari selasa..itu berat,bener" berat dri yg gw kira sebelumnya....
Gw disini punya tugas baru,tanggung jawab dan beban yg lebih berat..tapi gw gatau,gw bener" bingung musti ngapain..otak gw dah mati,mindset gw dah jebol ancur berantakan..ga bisa mikirin apa" selaen dia..
Beberapa hari pertama gw kerja dah kaya orang sakit..bukan karna ga makan,tpi karna cuma bisa mikirin "you know who"..ga ada yg laen
Knapa bisa sampe gitu?berhubung otak gw mati,"when brain was dead heart takes over the jobs"...semuanya yg jalanin hati...apa yg gw liat dan gw denger hati gw yg nerjemahin..
Beberapa hri yg lalu,gw ngeliat dia deket ama cowok di Twitter.Gw rasa dia seneng dan udah jadian.Yaudah,gw ngucapin selamat,tapi malah begitu dianya.Kayanya gw salah,dan memang salah..ya as always lah,never been right,always wrong
Gw sibuk,emang sibuk.dari mulai input data sama ngebarcodein barang.tapi tetep aja inget mulu ama dia
Waktu jalan terus,gw ga ngapa"in meskipun gw tetep khawatir dan perduli sama dia.dia pun terlihat asik dengan semua urusannya,well gw udah janji juga ga mau ganggu karna takut bikin kesel
Beberapa kali gw cuman nanya lewat twitter,karna pas gw buka TL tweet yg dia buat itu langsung bikin gw ngerasa khawatir dan uring"an..iya jujur gw nyoba buat tetep tenang,tapi jujur juga dalem hati gw ga karuan!
Yang gw inget pertama gw nanya kenapa dia nyesek,dia jawab karna kebiasaan buruknya yg udah mulai ilang dilakuin lgi..ya mau gimana lagi,yg gw tau dia stress berat 
Terus gw nanya lgi apa polipnya kumat,dia bilang iya..but so flat
Gw ngerasa dia lgi ngadepin masa" yg sulit dan berat buat dia..
Gw mau ngebantu dia.but what can i do?nothing!what should i do?have no idea
Gw cuma bisa berdoa,berdoa agar dia selalu dijaga sama Tuhan dan ga terjadi apa" sama dia
Kok gw bisa sampe segitunya?yailah namanya juga orang sayang
Udah tau dia ga sayang ama gw,knapa gw masih sayang ama dia?klo semudah itu namanya gw ga sayang
Bukannya masih ada yg lebih cantik yg lebih baik?buat lw" aja..gw cuman butuh orang yg gw sayang
Trus mau sampe kapan begini?gatau..sampe kapanpun
Ya gw jelek,gila,tool,bego,dongo atau apalah yg orang bilang..
Orang ga bisa nentuin mau sayang sama siapa,makanya ga bisa seenaknya gw bilang sayang klo ga ngerasa..
Sekarang,gw cuma bisa merhatiin dia,dri kejauhan,ngeliat recent updatesnya,display picturenya,dan juga tweetnya
Setiap malem,sebelom gw tidur,gw selalu doain dia
Semoga dia baik" aja,meskipun gw ga bisa bohong klo gw msh sedih,meskipun hati gw nangis dan menjerit sekenceng apapun..
Tuhan tau semuanya,perasaan gw ke dia seperti apa meskipun gw ga banyak berkorban buat dia,dan gw kehilangan orang yang bener" gw sayang
Akhirnya,gw tau kegunaan tissue yg selama ini ada di meja komputer tempat gw biasa nginput data..iya,ngelap aer mata gw sendiri..lebay?silahkan bilang begitu..bilang cengeng pun gw terima kok
Buat dia, lw tau gw ga pernah bohong soal apapun sama lw.gw ga pernah minta apapun selain penjelasan waktu itu.gw emang bukan orang yg romantis,puitis atau banyak berkorban buat lw.gw juga selalu gagal buat bikin lw seneng,ketawa,merasa aman dan nyaman...
Tapi Tuhan tau klo ini bukan judul lagu..iya,gw kangen sama lw
God knows how much i love you and how much i miss you, even you dont care about it
Cause i'm officially missing you...Deshi

Chapter #7

Well..i have nothing to do from that moment..
Work without spirit, singing without notes, walking with no direction...and everything just getting worse
Cant stop thinking about her..even she doesnt care about me
Cant stop worry about her..even she doesnt worry about me too
Cant stop loving her even im nobody to her
i have no idea, have nothing to do..but enjoy this pain strikes me down in every single second..the most beautiful and acrobatic pain..
Maybe,for her i'm just an ugly guy who's always talked too much..a biggest joke in her life..a clown who always failed to make her laugh..a wind that blows too hard..a rain which falls everytime..or simply,the most useless thing in her life
I confess that i'm weak, powerless and awkward..
But at least i tried..tried so hard..even i've always failed..
I always be myself and never change..so the feeling inside for her too..
Even it hurts so much..even time never goes back to when we wanted to..even i have to drown in pain all the time..but thats alright..cause i think she is happier now
I step out from her life..but i'm not going anywhere..just sit back on where i used to,in the middle of nowhere..when the night has come,i lay down on the ground,looking at the moon shine down from above..
And it doesnt mean i dont love her anymore cause like what i said,i'll always love her
Why?how can i betray what i'm feeling inside..
We can hold what we feel,but we can deny or hide it..
We can go anywhere,everywhere around the world and across universe we want..but we cant find a reason to love
We can move on,but it means we lie to ourself about love that we said
We can lie to make someone that we love happy..but forgot the essential part of love too..the Honesty
We cant kill the love we have,the more we try it grows faster and bigger than the ever was
It doesnt die easily..its a living thing.. 
Its a promise..its a gift..once given,never forgotten..never be able to disappear 
Its a promise..to make someone happy..even we hurts,shattered and curled on the floor, cause where is love,there is life, happiness and pain 
We can love,in happiness or suffering in the darkest sorrow..
We can go wrong,but we will try to do the right for love..even it seems wrong too
The most beautiful love is the one without reasons 
Love is loving with two hopes : 1. To being loved by someone we love 2. To love each other all the time
Maybe i'm wrong,but thats what we need from love..to being loved by someone we love and to loving each other all the time..
This is me..the one who love someone without being loved by the one i love..who always care and worry about her even when i'm saying or doing nothing..the one who always love her................................................

Chapter #6

berikut adalah perasaan yg gw rasa selama ini....wait!tumben nih pke bahasa indonesia..ya maaf,emang english gw jelek dan ada beberapa yg kritik..btw,thx bgt loh kritikannya,bener" bikin gw sadar klo gw msh hrus banyak belajar...
sekarang bakal gw jelasin sebanyak-banyaknya dan yg pasti jujur sejujur-jujurnya dan se ada-adanya
Dri pertama gw pindah kerja,gw hrus lembur seminggu karna ketentuannya sperti itu dan cuma gw yg belum punya jadwal tetap
Seminggu lewat,gw mikir gw mw libur hri apasedangkan gw mau ketemu dia hari jumat di event clothingan saat gw ketemu dia untuk kedua kalinya
Gw minta ke store manajer gw buat minta libur hari itu,dan ternyata..dikabulkan!
Setelah itu,gw make jadwalnya elfrin yg udah out..dan ternyata gw libur hari selasa dan tiba" gw seneng banget karna dia juga libur hari selasa!
Itu cuma prolog dri apa yg mau gw jelasin sebenernya
Sekarang gw jelasin apa yg gw rasa selama ini ke dia
Gw sedih,khawatir dan uring"an saat dia ga bls bbm gw or cuma read,tiap tweet dan recent updates bbmnya nunjukin sedih,sakit,marah,kesel dll yg seperti itu..terlebih saat ngeliat recent updates "talking to the moon" dgn emot crying facenya juga tweeet resolusi tahun 2012nya(bukan soal cigarette dan indomienya yg bikin gw sedih dan uring"an
Gw seneng,tiap kli dia bls bbm,sms,mention,tiap ketemu dia,jalan sama dia,ngobrol sama dia meskipun  cuma sebentar,meskipun harus nunggu lama,meskipun harus diguyur hujan dan cuma biisa ngebul sambil nahan rasa pengen ketemu secepetnya, meskipun gw gatau dia ngerasa hal yg sama kaya gw
Gw kecewa sama diri gw sendiri dan sedih krna gw ga bisa bikin dia seneng,bahagia,ngehibur dan ngilangin btnya,merasa nyaman dan aman saat sama gw,atau malah cuma bikin bt dan dia kesel sama gw
Tapi itu semua ga bsa ngubah perasaan gw ke dia..semakin gw sangkal malah semakin tumbuh cepat..gw diem pun ga akan hilang..karna gw bener" sayang sama dia..karna gw setia untuk tetap sayang sama dia dan setia sama perasaan gw ke dia..
Inilah gw..manusia buruk rupa dengan seluruh keterbatasan dan ketidak mampuan yg ada yg tetep berusahaserealistis mungkin
Yang gw bisa lakuin cuma tetep jujur, tetep berusaha ngelakuin yg terbaik semampu gw buat dia, buat dia seneng,nyaman,aman,ga sedih,ga bt dan ga kesel
Semua karna gw bener" sayang sama dia dan gw akan tetep sayang sama dia 
Never asked to be the most important person in her life..just to be the man that she loves, have her love all the time and to love each other
If she only knew what i'm feeling inside..How much i care and worry about her..How much i really love her :)

Chapter #5

well it will be the longest post for me
after all those moments i felt strange...felt something different inside of me
sad,happy,upset,mad,confused and all the feelings inside me became a great combination that successfully made me fucked up
one day,i calmed myself for a moment..and then i realized that i love her 
and i told her what i feel inside,i told her that i love her...but she cant love me..maybe its too fast to say love
but what could i do?should i lied to myself and to her?no..i never want to be a liar...i just wanna be honest bout everything...maybe shes in love with another guy cause i catched a moment when she seems like "talking to the moon" with crying face...
but thats alright...i wont compete, cause she isnt a trophy...
i cant kill this feeling inside even if i want to...but this is loyalty whit what i feel inside,cause i really love her so much..even she doesnt love me,even time can makes her to love me.even i have to get hurt as long as she doesnt..im still loving her and always love her..cause i cant split my love with any other women cause i really really love her and always love her :)

Chapter #4

after the last meeting, everything seems normal...but i was wrong
when she's birthday (22nd december) i sent her a voice note...
actually i envy to those who gave her birthday gift,but what could i do?i couldnt give her anything even if i wanted to...
and the next day she celebrated with her friends,but when i asked she just got mad at me
i apologized to her but she said it wasnt her,but her friend..that calmed me a bit
then,the next day she went to central java for vacation with her family..i keep trying to talk to her everyday or everytime maybe but feels like available but unreachable..from that moment, everything feels so different...i dunno why...why it has to be like this...i got trapped and confused for so many times